Don’t Need A Wish Today 

It’s been many, many years since I decided to include in my daily ritual: a question of reflection. A means of checks and balances that is commonly absent, without the extra effort. With so much going on around us, it can be difficult to… pause… and think about WHY it is you do the things you do.

My question for the day has always been: “What are you grateful for today?”

Some days, it’s easy to come up with an answer. Some days, it’s not. And often times, I have to inquire if, by repeating the same answers, I am dulling the top coat from its shine. Like the twenty thousandth time you’ve told your significant other “I love you” you realize the words, though true, have lost true sentiment behind it — how impressively quickly novel turns to casual.

Upon waking this morning, I stared at the post-it stuck on my bathroom wall and came to the same conclusion that I am frequently led to. But no matter how many times I respond with this same answer, it still find it –to put it eloquently– really freaking shiny.

Today, I am grateful that all things I want, I already have. It is unmistakably empowering to feel satisfied. I am so lucky for this unpredictable life and the ability to comprehend how and why I’m here.

Lights Camera Action

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acrylic, sharpie 4.20.2013

I give to, invest in, and fall for the people I surround myself with.

Even if I cannot see us being friends in a year from now, even if the situation is somewhat temporally unstable, I will enjoy the Right Now (while I still have it), and spoil those that I care for around me even if I’m broke (down to the very last dollar in my wallet), spoil them with love, loud laughter, and whatever else I can offer in absence of green stacks of ephemeral happiness. Materialistic poison.

And I’m one lucky son of a bitch because I have those who do the same for me. Life is very good.

*dramatic tear* -end scene-

06/04/12 Pursuit of HAPPINESS

I’m seeking change.

What I mean is, I’ve been trying to better myself, and the past 6 months have been beyond amazing all because of optimism. Life is how you personally perceive it; if you can see beauty in a train wreck, you are one giant step ahead of the game.

Happiness can range from mere contentment to intense, uncontrollable joy. It’s a realistic goal that we can pursue and attain each and everyday, and it is a goal in which failure only exists if we allow it to. No one is physically capable of depriving you from this destination; they may hinder the journey but the opportunity to cross that finish line is always there.

Not only should we pursue this happiness, we should aim to maintain it. I try to wake up each morning with a smile on my face and hope that it hasn’t faded by the time I fall asleep. I’ve been succeeding quite frequently, because I’ve realized that nothing makes me happier than knowing I can put a smile on a person’s face. My daily dose of happiness isn’t in a pill, does not derive from money, and sure as hell does not depend on a man, and that is how I can easily conquer my days.

It’s an amazing feeling to know that as insignificant as I am, I can have the ability to make another life a little less stressed, a little less of a pain in the ass. I’ve been dishing out respect, civility, and charity to strangers around me, and I get blessed in return.

And then there’s peace. People who think that I’m all about partying and having fun are people who haven’t gotten a chance to really meet ME. Yeah, I enjoy the adrenaline rush of going buckwild and celebrating the moment; this rabid spontaneity keeps me sane. But to be honest, I’d much rather be chilling in a rowboat in a deep silence that holds us close, laying in the grass with our minds lost in space, and maybe sharing coffee and a cup of your finest conversation. Simply put, I thrive for tranquility. The kind that temporarily makes us feel eternally safe.

This daily struggle –this pursuit of happiness and search for peace– is overlooked by most of us. But it’s right there in our faces. We just have to step away from all angst, anger, and pessimism pent up in our hearts, and ask ourselves, “What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make it better?”

09/14/11 RUSHing to Avoid Greeks

Thought this was appropriate since Rush Week is just starting.

I’m always down to meet new people and chill with friends. I think people who are openly friendly and sociable are absolutely amazing… don’t get me wrong. But rush week is the biggest mindfuck ever.

And I know a lot of people I’m friends with are affiliated, so I’m obviously not trying to talk shit. I have nothing against individual people in sororities and fraternities, but as a whole I think it’s just quite stupid.

Freshmen year is clearly THE year when you get rushed the hardest. Young, naive, don’t even know what “rush” is. For me, I thought it was great that so many girls were super super friendly and always calling me out to chill… if anything, I had such a small amount of girl friends in high school I could have counted them on one hand. So in college, I figured, I could get used to having a group of girls around like this. But you know, as the year went on, anyone with a brain could eventually figure out who’s being genuinely nice to become your friend and who’s being nice to bring you into their sorority (actually some people are still confusing tbh).

Typically, they would tell me “Oh, I’m not trying to rush you” or “I don’t care if you don’t pledge”… but when I tore my achilles heel and was stuck in a wheelchair –meaning I can’t pledge– it was amazing how many “friends” lost interest in hanging out with me the way they used to. I even went out in crutches and the change in atmosphere was evident. And the following semester, when I was back to my healthy self, everyone suddenly became my best friend again.

I mean, I don’t really care that much. I actually understand it’s part of the process, and that a lot of people are actually nice and genuine (though their intentions may not be). But I don’t want to be a part of it… so I’m pretty straight-forward with girls at my school. I stopped making excuses why I can’t attend GIMs or rush events; I’d rather just tell people straight out “I don’t want to be rushed.” or “I’m not going to pledge.” If they take offense to it, then that’s just them. I just don’t want them to spend their money and time on me, when we both know it’s going to waste.

Greek life may be widespread and popular, but it’s just not for me. I’m not scared of pledging –honestly, I think I could do mad push ups and memorize shit and eat whatever and all that fun stuff– but I am scared of being tied down by one group of sisters and having to rush kids with a fake smile for the next whatever years.  I’d rather just do me and make my own friends, Greek or non-Greeks, it really doesn’t matter to me. But overall, you know, I want to enjoy these few precious years before we get kicked to the curb of the Real World. Feel me?

Haaaa… now watch half the Greeks that read this won’t even talk to me anymore. LOL but whatever, if you were never my friend or if you can’t understand where I’m coming from, good riddance. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.